When was the last time your confidence took a hit? Maybe a failed launch, or not getting enough views on your Instagram stories? How about unsubscribes from your list? Or a negative review.
Shaky confidence happens to everyone, especially entrepreneurs building businesses.
Think about it. You’re quite literally building something you’ve never done before, constantly learning new skills, tech and tactics. Of course you’ll question yourself, feel like a fake or consider burning it all down, every now and then.
But what you do in those moments matters. Do you get back up quickly? Do you spiral out? Do you look to others for validation? Or push through reciting affirmations?
Confidence seems “fluffy and intangible, but often shows up in a physical manifestation. On today’s episode we’re talking about how confidence impacts your business, how to recognize the symptoms of lost confidence and what to do when it inevitably shakes.
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Well, hey, friend, welcome back to another episode today. We're gonna dig into the subject of confidence. Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, I don't have any issues with my confidence. I'm gonna go to bet that maybe you're getting a little too comfortable in your business because here's the thing. Lack of confidence, shaking confidence, kind of inner self doubt, it's part of the game when you are tackling big goals and doing new things. So any person doing any kind of ambitious anything has moments where their confidence get a little shaky. The question is, what do you do in those moments? Do you get back on the horse pretty quickly? Do you spiral down? Do you go through different seasons? How do you address this piece? And more importantly, how does confidence actually impact your ability to reach your goals? This is a conversation we're gonna have today, so let's go ahead and dig in.
You know, this word, confidence, it is a fluffy word, and if you talk to any marketer under the sun, they typically tell you not to use the word confident in your messaging in terms of a value or a benefit that people get from learning from you. It just it feels like a very fluffy thing. However, it is the thing that we're all after. We want to feel more confident in ourselves, we want to feel confident about our ideas, we want to feel more confident in our abilities to achieve those big dreams and ideas. I mean, this is not rocket science. I mean, these are things that are very true for all of us regardless of our past experiences, what our goals are, where we come from. Confidence is kind of a universal thing that we're all after. It's also a universally, immeasurable and fluffy thing which is why people typically say, I mean, don't use it when you talk about transformations or don't focus on just helping people get confident because it can feel intangible and fluffy.
But what I find really interesting is, anytime I'm having conversations with entrepreneurs and I asked them related to speaking or building their business, I asked them what they're after and we dig into what's holding them back. The underlining challenge always has to do with confidence, and what's interesting as we think of the word confidence, I think we tend to group it in this bucket of thinking confidence is like self assurance or somebody who doesn't have confidence as an insecure person.
But what I want to really introduce you to today is this idea of confidence can take so many different shapes and a lack of confidence can also take a lot of shapes. I'm really killing this episode so far. You're like, alright, Heather, where we go with this? But what I want what, my hope is for you in this episode is to start welcoming when your confidence is shaky, and here's why I want to introduce this idea to you.
If we were confident in ourselves in our abilities and our ideas 100% of the time, it means that we are playing in our comfort zone. And you and I both know that in order for you to achieve your goals and dreams, they're bigger than what you are doing right now. I would imagine if you listen to the show, you are aspiring to something bigger, or more or richer, or more vibrant, or happier, or there's some kind of more or -er that you are after. It's kind of the pursuit of entrepreneurism is we're, we're always attaining something more. That doesn't mean that we are unhappy with where we're at. It's just our ambition is higher, it's for growth. And I know that you know this, as we talk through it, how we tend to forget this as we're growing is that as you grow, as you learn new skills, as you expand to new ideas in your business, maybe you try a different type of revenue model. Say you decide, okay, I want to go out and do a lower paid digital product to my business, or, hey, I'm thinking about selling something that's one on one consulting services that I've never done before, or maybe you're thinking, oh, I want to start a podcast or whatever the idea is for the next thing in your business. You have this new idea and it's probably something that you're mildly familiar with which is why you have the idea, but you've probably never done it before, or at least in the way that you're going after it.
So if you were 1,000% confident in your skills and abilities to like, knock it out of the park on that thing, I might question, are you dreaming or thinking big enough because part of achieving that greatness is stepping out and doing new skills. I know this is not new information to you. I know this is kind of a revisit. But remember, check with me. Remember my favorite phrase, I talked about this last week. Weill Roger stays just because it's common sense doesn't mean it's always practice or common practice. I struggled with saying that exact phrase last week because my brain was going a mile a minute, and I just had so many great things I wanted to share with you.
So here's what I wanted to share with you today. I want you to get present for a moment and think about the last time that you felt shaky with your confidence, maybe it was a webinar that you were nervous about or maybe it was a selling conversation, you were selling something or you were in a launch, maybe it was you speaking on a stage, or a podcast interview, or recording your own videos. I just want you to think about when was the last time that you were nervous and shaky with confidence. Whatever that form is for you, I want you to have that picture in your mind and just pay attention to what was happening around you when your confidence was shaky, when your nerves tapped in, or you started doubting yourself, what was happening? Were you doing something that was a physical skill, like speaking or creating video or making a pitch? Or were you theorizing around the potential outcomes or impacts or lack thereof of the thing you were doing? And pay attention to nuance difference of this. Where were you focused when you were having a gap in your own confidence when you were feeling shaky or unsteady, where was your focus? Was it on the task at hand or was it on the narrative around the impact or lack thereof of that task?
This is the first thing I want to talk to you about today. I know that you know this. If you listen to this show, I know you're into personal development and you were really working on raising your level of awareness around your own skills and attributes. So I know I'm preaching to the choir here as they say, but I want you to get really present to this idea today. Where you place your focus and attention is going to create more of that for you. So for example, if you find yourself often feeling insecure, or feeling doubtful, or feeling worrisome when you are doing a new task because you're thinking about what other people think. What if this fails? What if no one buys? What if scenarios that aren't positive. They're destructive?. If your attention is going there, of course, your confidence becomes shaky and I want you to pay attention to that.
So often I hear from people especially when I guest speak in masterminds or inside other people's programs, specifically around the topic of video or speaking and I always get questions around nerves. I always get questions around how can I look and sound more confident? Especially for people who are newer at the speaking thing or newer with video or maybe newer to their business, this idea of knowing you're an expert, but feeling a little impostor-y stepping into a new way of sharing your expertise, it can be a little spooky. And when I dig deeper with people and start talking about, okay, what do you mean by that? Like, what is looking and sounding more confident mean to you? What people are really asking is, how can they ensure that other people see them as the expert they are? I'm gonna say that again. When people are like, how do I look and how do I sound more confident when I show up on video or on a stage? When we dig deeper what they're really asking is, how can I ensure that other people see me as the expert I am and notice that nuanced difference of where the focus is. And this scenario, of course, there's a gap in confidence there because you and I both know that you cannot control how people see you. You can't control how people perceive you. You can't control how they judge you or what those judgments are.
So when you find yourself with a gap in confidence I want you to pay attention to what are the thoughts rolling through your head. What are you thinking about because I would bet that a lot of times, that what you perceive as a gap in confidence in yourself and your abilities where you have a lack of confidence is your ability to control other people and their thinking. And you and I both know, you can't control those things. So sometimes just raising our level of awareness to where we're spending our time thinking about things, it helps us pull back our power. It puts the power back into our hands to say, okay, I can redirect what I'm thinking about where I'm focused and in just that essence of thinking, okay, hold on. Do I know how to say words? Yes. Imagine me behind a microphone right now and you've been nervous on a podcast interview or on a video. If you're focused on oh, my gosh, what other people think? What if I don't look great? Which is a code for like, what if other people judge me for how I look? Or how I speak on camera? That's the code word behind that. But if we instead go, okay, can I be confident? Is my camera plugged in correctly? Can I confident and turning on sliding right on zoom to a little heavier like filter which I love to use? Can I be confident in my ability to say words out loud? Yes, I do it all the time. Okay, can I be confident in my ability to prepare for the interview? Okay, I researched the show, I know the format, I have an idea of the kinds of things we're going to talk about, because I sent over some suggested questions to the host.
Okay, what we need to start doing is building up like links in a chain. These links coming together of little small things that we can do to build our confidence in our own skill set and our own preparation. And when we start focusing on those things, you'll notice these small little wins of yep, I got that. Yep, I did that. Those little yep, yep, yep, start adding to our own confidence and start redirecting our thinking around things that are actually happening, not theoretical things that may or may not even be a thing. They're just a story that we tell ourselves. Is this making sense? Are you tracking with this?
This idea that when we think about confidence, it's so easy for us to go, the reason why we all say don't talk about confidence as a transformation is because you can see in this conversation that people talk about competence, we inherently, when we think about confidence, we raise it to a level of fluff. It's theoretical, it's imaginary. It's a lot of times negative thought based. I'm going to give you a couple tips around how you can redirect your thinking and specifically, some ways that you can instantly boost your confidence when you were trying new things which I know you are as you build your business.
So here's a couple, you've probably gauged this for me before. I'm a big self question asker. Okay, I'm gonna go off on a slight tangent here but I feel like this is going to, this might relate, this is going to speak to someone today who needs to hear this.
Okay, last week on the podcast, I talked about four traps that we all fall into when we're in learning mode or in growth mode as entrepreneurs so go back and listen to that that episode. It was around growth as an entrepreneur and where to focus to generate more sales, but it was really a conversation around what holds us back and our thinking and what holds us back from really achieving those bigger goals. And one of the traps I talked about was, it was called the 'I already know' trap. Stick with me, there's a point to this. The 'I already know' a trap is our ego coming in to tell us like it's it's coming in to say we already know enough, we are so smart, we are so experienced, look at us, we're great. When we hear things that are super basic, or very well known, or things that we already know, our brain wants to go yes, check, high five. We already knew that thing, like we can adjust our brains attention to other new sexy, shiny things like we don't need to do the boring thing. We want the new, we want the novel type things. That's the 'I already know' trap coming in. And this happens all the time when we see basic information, we easily can just kind of say, oh, that's dumb. That's so basic. I've heard this a bajillion times before. But as the saying goes, as I mentioned, just because it's common sense, doesn't mean it's always common practice. So okay, where does this tie in to confidence for me and this whole self question asking thing.
All right. Full disclaimer, I have a huge problem with the 'I already know' trap. It is the thing that makes or breaks my growth and success in business. It also is a positive thing and I'm gonna share more on that here in a minute. So the 'I already know' trap. I think you're gonna resonate with this. You're an entrepreneur because you have a wealth of experience, probably wearing a lot of hats in your life and in your career. Chances are, you probably didn't go to school and in your entire career, just do one thing even if you studied a specific specialty, let's say you became a therapist and you've been doing that for the last 15 years. You went to school for that. It's been your life's work. I would imagine along the way, you've also picked up other skills and you've had to do other things like run a business, figure out how to find clients, maybe you also have volunteered for your kids schools or with a nonprofit, or you have other things that have happened, right? None of us just show up and do the exact same thing every single day. We grow our skills. Well, chances are, you've collected a lot of different skills. And as you're building your online business, you're realizing those skills can actually serve you in a lot of different ways that as you're learning online marketing, sure the what you're doing might be a little bit different but I bet you're pulling from skills from the past. This is a very dumb example. But when I was in high school, I used to work at the movie theater and I sold tickets and there was a specific upselling thing I don't remember. But there was like ways that you would upsell selling popcorn and selling tickets to movies. Those are sales principles that I pulled forward for me when I worked in photography studio and put forward when I was selling insurance, and put forward when I was selling photography and all these different things, right, so they all compound.
All this to say my deep confession for you today, my dear listener, is I struggle with the 'I already know' trap because I have a lot of random knowledge in my brain and a lot of very random jobs and experiences and working with entrepreneurs for the last 20 years. So all this just says I sometimes struggle being coached by other people. Yes, big, true confessional. It's one of the reasons I'm very, very choosy of the types of programs I'm in and very choosy about the types of coaches that I show up live and work with. And I know full well that a big piece of this is the 'I already know' ego trap. But also, there is a positive aspect of this that I want to introduce to you. So side note, don't be a egotistical and never accept help. We need to have help and I'm so thankful to have my own business coach who helps me with these things and helps me stay open and coachable. It has made a profound difference in my career in general and it's a constant thing that I am working on.
But I share this because of this quote unquote I already know trap. And because of this ego piece, what I have also learned the side tangent beautiful outcome of having that kind of ego, y'all which I know you have this too. So not entirely throw myself under the bus here, that part of this ego trap thing is it when used in a good way, you can flip the narrative by asking yourself questions. And instead of just going I already know and shutting down the conversation, what you can do is say, I'm aware and invite your brain, your big, beautiful brain that knows a lot of things and is very creative in it's problem solving. Invite your beautiful brain to ask higher quality questions of yourself, and this is what I want to talk to you about today in terms of helping you with your own confidence and with your own problem solving skills.
The thing is, is if you spend your time going to other people searching for information, if you're always waiting for other people to help you get the boost of confidence, it will never come. Because the thing about confidence is it's not just this thing that you have, it's not this thing that you just train and keep for all of time and all you do. You were always going to cycle through bouts of confidence being shook. You're always going to have moments of your confidence going down the pooper because you were always continually growing and ambitiously chasing bigger things. You see how this all connects? So instead of trying to outsource your competence, or instead of trying to have other people tell you how great you are, or instead of going out to other people to say, hey, how do I do this? There is beauty in your ability to ask yourself questions, good, high quality questions, so that you can start developing the skill set for problem solving and boosting your own self confidence.
So there's an episode, we'll link to it in the show notes. I talked about this in the Spring of 2022 around asking higher quality questions of yourself. My homework assignment for you, after we go through what I'm going to share with you next, I want you to go back to the episode and listen to it. This is something that has made a profound difference in my career, and my business building is the ability to recognize when I'm asking poor, quality questions that lead me down a negative thinking spiral, versus when I'm asking high quality exploratory questions and that starts generating phenomenal problem solving ideas, and that I want you to go back and listen to that episode because it isn't that freaking good and that might be one you want to bookmark and or share with your business besties so that you guys can hold each other accountable to that kind of line, that kind of thinking and get out of the gutter or the train that goes into this really spiral about the what ifs, but come back to it.
Okay, so this is all coming back to the confidence piece, that was the context to share with you of whenever I am feeling a shakiness of confidence, I do some very specific things. Now, this is not going to be a here's the in step prescribed order of it. I'm just going to share with you some big ideas of things that I think about when my confidence shakes. And I'm going to tell you, my confidence shakes quite often because y'all we're doing some pretty big things here in our company. I mean, heck, just six months ago, I made the decision to go, I mean, to essentially burn my business and start a completely new business with my new business partner, Emily, like it was the same business, but it was new and it's the, I mean, all these scary, exciting things and spoiler alert. There's more exciting announcements coming up in January so stay tuned for that. But the point is, just because I am comfortable on camera does not mean that I have high confidence all the time. I have high confidence in my ability to figure things out, I have high confidence that I'm going to land on my feet, I have high confidence that everything will unfold as it should, I have high confidence in my ability to hustle when necessary but there are still many times where I'm like, oh my gosh, like, I wonder, could I? I go down the spiral so I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm not ready for this, or I'm extremely nervous for this. All these things. They all happen.
So here's what I do. Here's a series of questions that I asked myself the higher quality questions to direct my thinking so I can build my own confidence because if other people can't give you confidence, you have to build it yourself and you have to bring it back when it's shaky. So the first thing I always ask when I am feeling a lack of confidence, the first thing I have to notice is what's happening? Because here's the thing, most likely you're not, you're not clearly thinking, oh, my confidence is shaking. No, no. You have to discover what is a lack of confidence? How does that actually show up in your world? So for me, it becomes I have very scattered thoughts. It becomes I start moving way too fast and start making mistakes with things. It becomes when I or it shows up when I start noticing I get a little snappy with my family because I'm feeling financial stress or pressure or whatever else in my business. There is a vibe that starts happening and none of it is by confidence shaking but it is absolutely my competence is shaking.
So first, you have to start paying attention to how like how is this actually surfacing for you? It might be something as clear as oh, I nervous getting on video but also I would imagine you go through seasons in your business where you feel like nothing's working, when you feel like everything is against you, when you feel like it's taking way too long. All these big dramatic moments that we have every couple of weeks or a couple months in your business. I invite you to explore, are these bits of confidence being eroded because you are growing? So number one, just think about what's actually happening here? How does confidence show up for you because you have to notice it to be able to call it out? That's what I usually think about first. And I've learned myself okay, this is actually a, I'm scatterbrained here what's going on? So where I direct my thinking is I literally asked myself so what am I thinking about right now? Where is my focus? Where is my attention? And I find myself focused on a speculating judgment of other people focusing on lack, ie. goals not hit, versus the successes and accomplishments that have happened. I'll find myself focused on the overwhelming to do list versus the priorities.
These are things that I find myself doing so you have to explore the same thing for you. But the question is, where is your focus when your confidence is shaking? Then what I always do to help me get the instant clarity that I need, which clarity for me is critical with confidence, I have to go back and say, pause, what is my goal? What am I focused on this month or this quarter? What is the thing that all of this is working towards? And I know this is so basic and simple, but I can't tell you how many entrepreneurs that I've talked to over the last four years, that when they are feeling overwhelmed, they've lost sight around what their goal is, or if they're being super honest, they had had a clear goal to begin in the year, but come the fourth quarter, they honestly are just trying to survive and hang on, and they don't have a goal so it's no wonder that they're feeling overwhelmed and stressed and a lack of confidence, because they don't know what they're confident in. They don't know what they're moving towards.
So what I find is, I have to sit back down and say, what is my goal? And I do that by doing actual math in my business. I want to know the financial goal and how I'm going to get there and I run different models and I'm super geeky with math like that. But you have to figure out what for you, what are you working towards because once you have that goal, or I call it the anchor, then you're able to drop that anchor and ride the waves for a hot minute because you know where you are and where you're going. So lack of confidence, what I like to say is clarity. What is the goal? What are we after here? And with that get present to why is this goal matter? Come back to it. Is it still a priority? Is this even a goal that you want? And you and I both know that when your why is big enough, you will work for it but you have to take some time to explore these things and what's interesting is this can feel very fluffy, but these are the things that keep us anchored to our sanity, to actually achieving the goal and help us ride the wave of that shaky confidence. So come back to it, what's your goal? Why does it matter? Is that why big enough and do we need to recalibrate?
And then what I focus on to start building my confidence back, I need to sit down and say, all right, I think about the people that are involved. This is super cheesy, but this is my hack of anytime I'm feeling a lack of confidence I pay attention to what I'm focused on is my own insecurities and my own comfort and not on the people who will benefit from when I take action. So anytime I'm nervous for a presentation, or I'm worried or stressed out a big launch or a project, anytime I noticed that what I realized, I pay attention, I raised my awareness too high. I'm self ego focused. So I shift and I start thinking about who's going to benefit from this? Who's going to be the person will hear this? Where might they be right now with this thing? What happens if I don't show up? And I start thinking about, you. I started thinking about my clients, I started thinking about our members inside the Speaker Society that if I don't show up, are they going to miss out on an opportunity to get a kick in the pants inspiration? Are they going to gleam on to like you today? Are you bleeding onto like one idea, that was the thing that you needed to solidify an idea that you already had for you to take courageous action? It was one thing that I said today, the thing that you needed to hear to spark your ass into action. I always think about if I don't show up because I'm focused on me or whether I'm camera ready or whether or not I'm blah, blah, blah, I don't know, right? We have all these things we speculate on. There's all these excuses which can be very valid. But what I like to do is when I'm not feeling so great about myself, or my confidence is shaky, I switch the narrative and I start thinking about you. I start thinking about the woman in the audience who has this really big dream to help people with Pilates and helping women deal with their own aches and pains and they've been struggling because they couldn't figure out, I'm making up a scenario here but maybe they'd been used to work out all the time, but they haven't been able to work out because hip pain, post babies and they just think okay, this is who I am. Now, I'm not allowed to work out anymore but maybe there's a Pilates instructor out there who's like I can teach people how to work out and get that workout high again in a way that takes care of their body and doesn't put the stress and pressure of CrossFit or whatever else.
This is a very specific weird scenario I just came up here,
So the last thing that I do and here's my practical tip for you to boost your confidence, I want you to start finding the proof, finding the proof to show you that you do have confidence. Our brains, oftentimes we can just rah rah and we can just think it. We can just will it to do it. We need frickin proof. So what I want you to do is in whatever scenario and I want you to look around and find the proof to the breadcrumbs of your confidence. So it's like I mentioned before, here's the proof. Have I recorded a podcast episode before? Yep. Have I been nervous when I record a podcast episode before? Yep. Had I survived? Yep. These are all facts. It's truth and recognizing what I have already done in the past, helps me go. Okay, I've done it once. I can do it again. Okay, but how does that apply when you're doing something that you've never done before? All right, let's say this, let's say that you are going out to launch a group program, right, next month, and it's a $5,000 program and you're like, hah, never in my life sold anything for $5,000. Okay, can you find the breadcrumbs of proof of times that you have sold things, times where you have helped people get the transformation that you will be promising in your program? Start finding the proof, start looking for the facts. So what have you done? Have you done scary things before? Have you put yourself out there? Have you ever taught a free training? I don't know what those the answers to questions are. So you need to find questions that are going to be a hell yes for you. Don't set yourself up with questions that you're going to be like, No, I haven't done that. That's a poor quality question because it's not serving your purpose here. Your purpose here is to help find the facts to tell you that you have done things in the past and you can do more things in the future, so find the facts. Look around you and say, okay, if I do this, if I turn on the camera and record, am I gonna die? No. Okay, that's a really dumb example but you see where I'm going out with here? You need to find the facts. One of my favorite ways to do this is I keep a rah rah folder in my Google email. And it has all of the kind things that people have said or sent me or reply to emails or thank you follow ups from speaking sessions replies to podcast emails. I have a folder of screenshots of people who have DM me on Instagram or Facebook. Yeah, y'all, I keep all those and one, I keep those because social proof, it makes good with marketing. But also, I keep those things because it's my rah rah folder, that when I need to find the confidence, if I can't will myself into it in the discussion I just lead you through. Sometimes I just need to look at the receipts. I need to remind myself that the work that I'm doing is good. I need to remind myself that it's worth it. That sometimes when you look at the numbers and I feel like nobody is listening. But when you get that one message from somebody that tells you how much that episode made a difference for them, it didn't matter if thousands of people didn't know the episode, that one person. It was meant for them. And those are the moments where my confidence is built more than anything because it becomes real. It's not just a theoretical number online. It's not just this idea of building this huge brand. It's helping people, that's helping people go out and help their people. It's like the ultimate wonderful pay it forward effect.
Anyways, I hope this isn't meeting you today when you need it. Something on my mind this morning I had a different episode plan which seems to be the MO lately that I changed my mind on the day of recording and I do something different and I've been really leaning into my intuition lately and this was the episode that I really felt necessary to talk about today because just the word confidence, I've seen it a lot on Instagram lately, and I wanted to lean in and talk to you about, there's a way for you to build confidence and your ability to grow in business and to be able to achieve those goals, last week we talked about, it really comes down to your ability to solve problems and your ability to persevere and your ability to sell. But your ability to believe in yourself and believe in your actions, even when you're shaky, or even when you're like, I don't know how this is going to turn out, that confidence, that is a huge factor in your success and my hope for you is that you do not try to go out and have unshakable confidence all the time, but you invite the unshakable confidence in your life because it is a clue that you were doing new big things and it's through doing those things and taking those risks and being courageous through those that is how you will grow your confidence.
So a little bit of a chicken and egg situation here but I hope that you see that now and I hope now that you don't see yourself if you do have a lack of confidence, there's nothing wrong with you. It's not that you're not competent. It's just that you need to grow your confidence and you are the person to do that. You're the best person to do that for yourself and quite frankly, the only person that can do that for yourself. Okay, I can't wait to hear how this episode resonated with you. Please send me a message on Instagram. I told you how much I love your left notes so send me one over. Tell me why resonate with you and more importantly, I want to hear what you do with today's episode. And hey, if you know other entrepreneurs that you know that they struggle sometimes with confidence too, send this message over to them. Let them know that you're thinking about them, that you know that they're doing something amazing and that you would love to see them show up even more confidently because their work is so great. So share the episode with a friend helping us grow the show through you, it's the way to do it. So it would mean the world to me if you found value today. Share with a friend and I will see you real soon in the next episodes. Bye, friend.